Kim
Interwovxn was inspired by the women in our lives, so it felt appropriate to choose as our first feature someone who we know and love. Who we turned to for advice and guidance in developing this project of love because of her skills, humor, and perspective. Who was given a life-altering health diagnosis and knows firsthand the importance of advocating for your health. And who became a teammate in this Interwovxn endeavour.
From South Shore, Massachusetts (not to be confused with “Southie,” and no she doesn’t know Ben Affleck), Kim moved to Milwaukee in 2015 with her now fiance, Mike. She did her Undergrad at Bates College in Lewiston, ME and holds an MFA in Creative Nonfiction from University of Montana in Missoula, MT. She has a background in English Lit/Theater, Poetry and Creative NonFiction. She is a former instructor of “Intro to CNF Writing,” “Intro to College Writing,” and “The Argument in Writing” at the University of Montana and is a staff member at The Kettle Pond Writers’ Conference in Paul Smith’s, NY. She writes personal essays that blend dark humor and MSPaint “art” with investigations of grief, loss, and chronic illness. She is also the former “Biermaster” and Bierklasse Host for The Lowlands Group. She has had one foot in the craft beer world and one foot in the craft of writing world since the early 2000s.
Kim has been through a tumultuous health history: finally diagnosed with granulosa cell tumor cancer of the ovary at 22, she has undergone 3 different major surgeries, two clinical trials at Dana Farber, and a litany of various types of chemotherapy. She is currently receiving treatment at Froedtert Cancer Center (and has nothing but amazing things to say about these cats). She considers herself “technically an X-Man,” since her cancer is the result of a gene mutation. At present, she is a self-proclaimed “unemployed couch raccoon” selling accessory garments inspired by powerful women from history, literature, and pop culture at www.arachnemyhabits.com.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
For what are you most grateful?
My almost unbelievable track record with sheer dumb luck. There’s not a single thing I’ve had to overcome in this life that hasn’t been balanced by some absurd stroke of *very good luck.* I luck into people, into families, into emotional and literal opportunities—sometimes it feels almost comically contrived. Just recently I made a new friend (with whom I have so much in common) on, of all places, PoshMark. I mean how? Why? Who gets to have these things? I had incredible parents. I have incredible friends and incredible famil(ies). And I somehow lucked into finding a fiance who is unconditionally supportive and encouraging and so, so good with the things at which I’m so, so bad.
What do you value in relationships above all else?
A lack of “the obligatory.” I love to be comfortable enough in a relationship that I can take my time, if I need it, responding to a text, and that’s okay. I love to know that sending someone a little pick-me-up on a random Tuesday will mean more to them than making sure I “do all the rules” of a given type of correspondence or holiday or social norm. I never want someone I care about to feel “obligated” to be or act a certain way with me, and I never want to feel that way myself.
Who have been the most influential people/events in your life thus far? How have they affected your life decisions to this point?
I know that losing both my parents—and my grandmother, who lived with us my whole life—has had an enormous impact on me. My father died when I was 16, and my mother and grandmother when I was in my early 20’s. It’s a big part of the reason I have trouble with “the long view,” or with planning ahead even by a week. (Why pay a bill? I could be dead by the time this matters!) But, as I get older, it’s not the “loss” of them that I see manifest in my decision making so much as the years I had with them—not every kid gets to grow up with three such wildly different caregivers all under one roof. From my Dad I got my love of writing and *feeling* and humor and expression; from my Mom I got this unassailable confidence and determination and grit; and from my Nana, god, I honestly don’t even know where to begin with that one—everything else? Again: sheer dumb luck. Unrelated, I’m positive that growing up in a town that housed an annual Renaissance Faire (where I worked for two summers) had a huge and lasting influence on my aesthetic, flair for the dramatic, and love of history and historical fantasy. I’m a “sword fights over light sabers” kind of nerd.
What of your perceptions, knowledge, experience, and wisdom would you leave as a gift for others? For your children, grandchildren, or best friends? What gifts have others given you that you’d like to pass on?
If I were allowed to leave behind one idea it would be this: that perspective is a super power. If the ability to take one thing and turn it into another simply by seeing it from a different angle *isn’t* magic, then I don’t know what is. I’m not talking about “finding the silver lining.” F*ck the silver lining, sometimes it doesn’t exist. Mary Oliver’s “The Uses of Sorrow” gets to the heart of this better than I can:
Someone I loved once gave me
a box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand
that this, too, was a gift.
How do you take care of your body? Do you feel connected to your body? Has it betrayed you in any way? What lessons has it taught you?
Oh my body is the queen of betrayals. She’s like that heartless, brilliant villain you hate to admit you sort of admire. But one thing my body has taught me is this: being a patient means being your own advocate. I learned this the hard way, when it took years to get a doctor to take me—and what I now know were symptoms of a rare cancer—seriously. We’re told that you go see a doctor, and the doctor tells you what’s wrong, and if they don’t say anything is wrong, great, “nothing is wrong,” and it’s all in your head. But it’s so much more complicated than that, particularly since certain tests cost lots of money—and the system, from a financial standpoint, really isn’t set up to diagnose you unless you *insist* on it. I think that’s especially difficult for younger women. To insist on or “demand” anything is unfortunately difficult for many women. But I know now that no matter how good a doctor is, I will still always have to advocate for myself, and I’d rather be alive and pushy than dead and demure. In a healthcare setting, I am one of many, many patients. To an HMO I’m even less than that—I’m a case number. But I’m the *only one* inside this body, and since it can’t speak for itself, I need to.
What is your relationship with your menstrual cycle? Do you have discomfort or do your symptoms interfere with your living your ideal life? If you have gone through menopause, how did you find that transition and have you found it has changed how you look at your body?
I haven’t had ovaries since my late 20’s, but so much else has happened to my body—it’s gone through so many surgeries and treatments and side effects from both—that the notion of being menopausal was never at the forefront. I didn’t feel then (and don’t feel now) as though I’d “lost” something, because that thing was literally killing me. It was more like I finally “freed myself” of something.
There is something I struggle with though in terms of “living my ideal life,” and that’s this weird thing that happens when people find out you’re sick. I don’t want people to think I’m remarkable for something that happened to me; I want them to think I’m remarkable for the things I make happen. I’m okay with not being able to have children; I’m not okay with people thinking the loss of that ability fundamentally changes who I am.
If you could share something with young girls that you wish someone had told you, what would it be?
That often, something looks like a well, but it’s actually a bottomless pit.
This happens frequently with relationships, and perhaps most frequently with our relationship to our own body. If tomorrow, someone were to wave a wand and give you the EXACT weight, face, build, height, ass, width, hair color, tits, etc, that you “most wanted,” it would still not make you happy. I know it seems like it would, I know it seems like so many of your problems would go away, but I promise you, new problems and insecurities would slide in and take their place almost immediately. You have to find a way to accept the vessel you’re in, because no amount of “fixing it” will ever act as a concluding paragraph for you. What’s more, your body is going to change. You WILL age. If you’re using the way your body looks to nourish your self esteem and confidence (which are two different things anyway) then you’re drawing from a bottomless pit, not a well. In high school, I was healthy, (I was an athlete, even) and I hated my body. It was too big, too muscular, too (ANY adjective). I wanted to be rail thin, and now that I am thin after years of cancer treatment, all I want are the curves I couldn’t appreciate at 16. “The ass is always greener...” and it always will be. Stop feeding the pit, and start feeding your health.
What does your ideal day/night/life look like:
My ideal day would start with a McGriddle, and preferably one I didn't have to purvey myself. I love a wide variety in my days (which is why this Covid isolation and its repetitive nature is killing me), but I always like to make sure I've learned, seen, understood, or attempted something new, even if it's small. I guess my ideal life would be having the kind of career that makes that possible on a daily basis. (Not the McGriddle part, I don't need that daily...)
How would you create your dream space:
I just watched a documentary on people who move into and refurbish run-down castles in Ireland and Scotland. That would be, to me, the absolute dream. Since it turns out it costs “quite a bit of money” to do that, I mostly just try to fill my spaces with objects and fabrics and details that have at least a wink of the time periods that most fascinate me. Oh, and I'm extremely weird about lighting. Candles? Great. Sunlight? That sh*t belongs outdoors unless it's between the hours of 12pm and 4pm, June-August only. My fiance, who’s constantly worried about his plants that I refuse to light properly, calls my aesthetic "Interview with the Vampire meets The Goth Gatsby meets Ren Faire chic."
Do you have a favorite family recipe?
I know everyone thinks their grandmother's apple pie is "special," but my Nana's was like nothing I've ever even seen. I don't even know how to go about recreating it because it was *so* weird. It used five different kinds of apples, 4 different spices, raisins, god knows what else, and the crust was really dark and thick and..."moon-textured?”...and had this perfect glaze. It looked like something off of Henry VIII's dinner table. I can't even describe it, but it was incredible. My other grandmother was Italian and I've yet to come across a better lasagna or anisette cookie than the ones she made every Christmas.
What are your three favorite Instagram accounts?