The Art of Prioritizing You
In the first of our monthly shares from INTERWOVXN advisory board member Caitlin Walsh’s blog The Therapist’s Couch, The Art of Prioritizing You: Unraveling the Distinction between Self-Care and Selfishness looks
to understand the difference between self-care and selfishness. In a fast-paced world that glorifies hustle culture, it's easy to overlook the crucial aspect of prioritizing ourselves. But here's the thought-provoking truth: understanding this distinction is not only vital for our well-being but also plays a significant role in nurturing healthier relationships with those around us.
Image credit: @fashionalities
Written by Caitlin Walsh, LPC
This article is for educational purposes. The information is not meant to diagnose or treat a medical condition and does not replace the advice or care of your physician. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your health and care plan.
This week from the therapist's couch we are looking to understand the difference between self-care and selfishness. In a fast-paced world that glorifies hustle culture, it's easy to overlook the crucial aspect of prioritizing ourselves. But here's the thought-provoking truth: understanding this distinction is not only vital for our well-being but also plays a significant role in nurturing healthier relationships with those around us. So, let's embark on an illuminating journey together as we unravel "The Art of Self-Care," exploring why self-care isn't synonymous with selfishness, but rather an indispensable act of self-love and empowerment. Get ready to redefine your perspective and nurture a better version of yourself!
Self-care and selfishness are two terms that are often used interchangeably, but they actually have very different meanings. Self-care is an essential act of taking care of yourself in order to be able to care for others. It is not a sign of weakness or selfishness, but rather a sign of strength and maturity.
Selfishness, on the other hand, is an act of putting your own needs above those of others. It is often motivated by a sense of entitlement or self-importance. And while it may provide some short-term benefits, it ultimately does more harm than good.
So how can you tell the difference between self-care and selfishness?
Defining Self-Care
The first step to effective self-care is understanding what it really means. Too often, people write off self-care as selfishness – an act of indulgence that only benefits the individual. This couldn’t be further from the truth. In actuality, self-care is an essential act of kindness – not just to oneself, but also to those around us.
When we take care of ourselves, we are better able to show up for others in a present and attentive way. We can’t pour from an empty cup, after all. By filling up our own wells of physical, mental, and emotional energy, we can be more available for the important people and tasks in our lives.
Self-care looks different for everyone, but some common forms include exercise, eating nutritiously, getting enough sleep, spending time in nature, meditating or practicing mindfulness, journaling, and spending time with loved ones. These activities help us recharge our batteries so that we can approach life with fresh energy and perspective.
The Differences Between Self-Care and Selfishness
Selfishness is motivated by a desire to gain something for ourselves at the expense of others. It is driven by greed, ego, and a need to control. Selfishness ultimately leads to feelings of isolation, resentment, and anxiety.
Self-care, on the other hand, is motivated by a desire to take care of ourselves so that we can be better able to take care of others. It is driven by compassion, empathy, and a need to nurture. Self-care ultimately leads to feelings of connection, satisfaction, and peace.
So how can you tell the difference between self-care and selfishness? Here are some questions to ask yourself:
• Am I doing this for myself or for someone else?
• Am I doing this out of love or out of fear?
• Am I doing this with the intention of harming someone else or with the intention of helping them?
• Is my motivation coming from a place of neediness or from a place of abundance?
• What are my intentions behind my actions?
Practical Examples of Prioritizing Self-Care
There are a number of things you can do to prioritize your own self-care. Below are some practical examples:
1. Make time for yourself every day: Even if it’s just 10-15 minutes, make sure you have some time each day where you can do something just for yourself. This can be reading, listening to music, taking a bath, going for a walk – anything that makes you feel relaxed and happy.
2. Set boundaries with others: It’s important to set boundaries with family, friends, and colleagues so that they know when they can and cannot approach you. If you need some time alone or want to focus on other things, let them know so they respect your wishes.
3. Say ‘no’ more often: It’s okay to say no to invitations, requests, and favors other people ask of you. You don’t owe anyone anything – including your time – so only say yes when you genuinely want to do something.
4. Do something nice for yourself regularly: Treating yourself doesn’t have to be expensive or extravagant – it could be as simple as buying yourself a bunch of flowers once a month or making yourself a favorite meal once a week. Whatever makes you feel good, make sure you do it regularly!
Challenges that Prevent People from Taking Time for Self Care
There are a number of challenges that prevent people from taking time for self-care. The most common barriers to self-care are busy schedules, financial limitations, family obligations, and feelings of guilt.
1. Busy schedules: Most people are juggling multiple obligations between work, school, family, and home life. This can make it difficult to carve out time for self-care activities such as going to the gym, indulging in hobbies or relaxation techniques, or engaging in personal reflection and meditation.
2. Financial limitations: Many people simply cannot afford to engage in luxurious self-care activities such as spa days and wellness retreats. Additionally, creating a regular self-care routine can be expensive depending on the activities chosen.
3. Family obligations: People with families often have different priorities than those without children or spouses. They may need to spend extra time taking care of their families over themselves as well as feel guilty about selfishly investing time in themselves over loved ones.
4. Feelings of guilt: Taking time for yourself can be associated with feelings of guilt or selfishness which makes it difficult for people to prioritize their own needs over the needs of others.
All of these challenges are valid but do not need to stand in the way of self-care. Start small-savoring your cup of coffee in the morning, putting on your favorite song on the car ride to work, or taking 10 minutes to sit in nature during your day and notice the smells, colors, and sounds.
Final Thoughts
We have explored how prioritizing yourself is not a form of selfishness, but rather an act of healthy self-love that allows us to stay focused on our own purpose and goals. Prioritizing ourselves enables us to live happier and healthier lives both mentally and physically. I hope you better understand the art of prioritizing your self-care and how incorporating it into your daily routine can have a positive ripple effect on the rest of your life.