Ponderings on a Fertile Life
What makes a life “Fertile”?
What words, feelings, and ideas come to mind when you sit with this question?
Our ability to produce or conceive can come in many forms (many beyond reproduction). As we explore the idea of this next chapter and what makes life rich, we wanted to see what a few of you thought and would love to continue the conversation!
We are grateful to have you here to dig deeper!
Imagination + Curiosity
Written by Theresa
I have clear childhood memories of accompanying my mom to doctors offices, hardware stores, and other errands that were super mundane to a kid. There were long drives back and forth to visit family in Illinois. There were solitary moments in my childhood bedroom. Long walks to school or to friends' houses. Whenever I would say “I’m bored!” my mom would always respond “Use your imagination”. Of course I huffed and went off to “use my imagination” with an attitude at first, but, every time I settled into an activity where I was doing just that. Sure we had tv and nintendo but screens were not the presence they are today. When I was booted away from our (one) screen I fell into imaginative play with my toys, dolls, building bricks (okay, who remembers the cardboard red bricks?), household items for building forts, or dissolved into the outside world with neighbor kids. “Use your imagination” was a simple yet loaded suggestion that carried so many lessons and tools. It laid the groundwork for patience, curiosity, creativity, contentment, independence, and being present.
Imagination is fundamental for a fertile life. It is the rich soil we need to grow these other life skills and live in harmony with the “boring”, slower, less stimulating, everyday moments of our lives. We learn to be present in all aspects of life versus escaping through a screen and constant distraction. We lose a bit of our connection to imagination as we move into adulthood where our practical skills are in demand to perform at our jobs, pay our bills, and do all the things that create a stable life. For those of us that have kids we suddenly find our imaginative skills in demand to create stories and characters, use different voices, and teach another human how to activate their own imagination. And we can feel uncomfortable and awkward because we’re rusty. Unless we are using our imaginations for our work many of us can easily lose track of it when we start adulting.
Keeping our imagination intact as an adult is important to our emotional intelligence and good mental health as well. It makes us wonder how others must feel or experience something because we remember there is a spectrum of emotions and experiences out there. It fuels our empathy. We remember how things exist beyond what we can see and it stokes the fires of our curiosity. When we hold on to curiosity in our every day we continue to grow and evolve. We can better see beyond the immediate struggles and our brains stay sharper to problem solve. We know how to ask questions, step out of our comfort zones, see other perspectives, and stay connected to awe.
So enjoy that fictional book you’ve been wanting to spend time with - that, too, opens up the channels of imagination. Let go of the awkwardness when creating characters and adventures with your kids (no one is watching, unless it’s other parents who may take some tips from you), weave a narrative about yourself in your mind and enjoy the places you take yourself, wonder about what’s happening in another place to another person and what that must be like, and open your brain space to what is possibly happening beyond our atmosphere. No holds barred, let your imagination free. This is something just for you. See where it takes you:)
**Five minutes after writing this piece my seven year old asked me, “Can you tape my thumbs down so I can see what life is like?” May we all hang on to that wonder.
Self-Awareness + Creativity + Community (+ Fun)
Written by Rebecca
As someone who had fertility issues, I struggled to embrace myself as a fertile person. The idea of fertility is one that permeates my every day conversation in working with couples and yet embracing it in my own being has been part of my personal life’s work. I realize now, at 45, how much time and energy I spent worrying about what others thought and trying to live up to the markers and expectations I set for myself that may not have been rooted in what I truly wanted or feel fulfilled by. Those markers often had me missing the journey and wondering why it felt so hard. I could’t see the end goals anymore. The path that eventually led us to our daughter (and closer to my true self) was the one that had us challenging and questioning our whole life. Beyond reproduction, what did our ideal like look like, with or without a child.
We broke it wide open- where do we want to live, what do we want to be doing, who do we want to be doing it with? And then, after exploring and imagining the different ways we wanted to live and love life, the universe shifted in a way that we hadn’t planned for and put most everything into place. Sitting in that space is not always comfortable because often it means to make room for “ideal” that you need to let go of the pieces that are no longer working. It is comfortable to stay and be and do the same, unless it isn’t anymore. I could no longer serve others at the expense of myself and have really had to dig deep to figure out how to create boundaries and intention to give myself equal or greater care. I do think that age has provided me the gift of that clarity and awareness. Life is not infinite- I will likely not see the whole world or have the opportunity to do many things I imagined when I was younger, but I can work to add as much beauty and laughter to the life I have left to live.
The core of my being, when answering the greater question, always comes back to art, creativity, and community. I have always wanted to “be” an artist and before acupuncture school went to art school, but life got busy and somehow time escaped. I have realized that it is not about “being” an artist but in fact just about doing. Creating the space and doing. And in that doing, I am most content and in my body. Whether art, food, design, or creating space or adventures for friends and family, these things make my life fertile.
Now to fun and laughter- these are not easy for me! I was a serious child and young adult (maybe even grown adult;) I remember being told by people who didn’t really know me that I should smile more or have more fun. And while part of me still thinks F you;), I see how fun and play adds balance to my life and deepens the relationship I have with others. I think as a mother to a young child, the idea of play can honestly feel overwhelming (at least for me) as it feels like one more thing to do. But what does play look like for me (outside of my role as a mom or caregiver ) and how can I detach and give my daughter the “fun” me without the worry of everything else on the to-do list. This is part of my fertile life work in progress!
So I leave you with this! Let’s take small steps to add fulfillment and abundance to life in whatever way that feels possible.